Have you ever felt like you're not good enough? I'm sure everyone has been there at one point, but it's something that I'm struggling with right now. So, if you're expecting to read an article from someone who (probably artificially) has it all together, you may want to bail right now.
You see, my entire life I've worked outside of the home. In fact, I started working at 16 years old and I've been working ever since, sometimes two jobs. I'm a person that pours my heart and soul into whatever I do, sometimes to the detriment of myself or my family. As a special events coordinator I worked quite a few hours and several events that were afterhours or out of town. In fact, two of our biggest events just happened to be during my kids' birthdays. (Why that didn't give me a red flag to do something else, I don't know.)
Now, I've lost my job and for the first time in my life, I'm not bringing in half of our income. Could I go out and grab a job to supplement our income? Yes, but I don't believe that's why God has given me this second chance. If I find another 9-5 I know I'll start pouring my energy into my job which will take energy away from God and my family. Like all people, I only have so much time and energy to give. For once in my life I want to be strategic about where I'm focusing my energy. I've always said, "God first, family second, everything else will fall in place", but I wasn't living that myself. Ouch. It's hard to be real with ourselves sometimes. Thankfully, God has opened my eyes and for once I can be honest with myself about my priorities.
(Insert fairytale ending!)
Okay, not quite. Just making sure you're paying attention because this is where it gets good. Actually, this is where it gets bad, but for a good reason. Does that make sense? I'm not sure, but hopefully it will.
Let me clarify something quickly because I feel that it's very important. I'm not doing nothing. In fact, I stay busy all day long! Besides house work (and my dogs being happier than ever) I write in this blog, publish Christian journals, and I'm a varsity cheerleading coach which also takes quite a bit of time. I'm not sitting on my couch waiting for God to bless me. I'm finding ways to do God's work.
Having no "job" for the first time has allowed me to focus on God and my family. Which makes me feel fantastic! However, there is this piece of me that enjoyed the craziness of my job. Is that weird? There is this piece of me that doesn't feel as useful. There is this piece of me that feels like I'm not pulling my weight like I should. It's as if my life is a puzzle and I just found some really important pieces that I had been missing, but I lost some others in the process.
Wait a minute!! What am I saying?! For the first time in my life I'm living the way God wants me to live. I'm listening to His guidance before I do anything. Why in the world should I feel less than valuable? Quick answer: society and the devil.
God would never make one of His children feel less than adequate! I know He is very proud of me and the steps that I'm taking. I feel so fulfilled every time I write a blog post or publish a journal. I know that I am doing the work of the Lord. It's not making me much money (yet), but I truly believe that God will bless the work that I do for Him more than anything else I could ever do. Psalm 37:4-5 reads, "Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass."
God told me to step out in faith.
God told me to live more righteously.
God told me to be a light.
Therefore, I will fight the devil and naysayers with all of my being. God told us there will be mockers and people will make us feel less than worthy, but he told us to build ourselves up on our most holy faith.
Jude 1:18-21 (KJV): How that they told you there should be mockers in the last time, who should walk after their own ungodly lusts. These be they who separate themselves, sensual, having not the Spirit. But ye, beloved, building up yourselves on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Ghost, Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life.
If I can give you one piece of advice today it's to...
Pray and seek God.
Truly listen to what He's telling you (no matter how hard).
Share your calling with others.
DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT let anyone make you feel less than worthy for doing the work of the Lord.
Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:58 (NIV)
STAND FIRM.
GIVE YOURSELF FULLY.
YOUR LABOR IN THE LORD IS NOT IN VAIN.
I will still have days that I do not feel worthy, but I will turn to this message and His word to remind myself that the Lord is my strength, He will guide and protect me, and in Him I will find joy!
The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him. Psalm 28:7
I pray that you find your calling and that you're brave enough to listen and act. I pray that one day you will be free and humble.
God bless!
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